Although I have avoided making New Year’s Resolutions for several years, I decided in 2017 to return to that ritual. I sat down with a spiral notebook and a serious pen (black ink). I listed all the things I wanted to change: more productive use of time, better eating habits, cleaner house, scheduling healthy check-ups. . .
I posted the list on my refrigerator, as if announcing my intentions to my kitchen would make them official. I stood back and read them, applauding the effort and ignoring the doubt that had begun to stir.
First resolution: More productive use of time. Sub-topic a: practice writing.
I went to my computer and opened my writing file. And there, in what seemed to me to be a flashing neon light, I read the title of a folder, “New Year’s Resolutions 2013.” Warily, I opened the file: 1. Practice Writing 2. Find significant ways to use time 3. Improve eating habits . . .
Apparently, I have been “doing the same things and expecting change.” Or perhaps, I never expected change to occur at all.
It seems to be a universal experience, this inability to stick to New Year’s Resolutions – watch the late night shows to hear comedians ridicule us all, or read the Sunday funnies to see that, yet again, Charlie Brown is unsuccessful. Why can’t we (I) keep them?
Part of the reason, I think, is that it is a way to celebrate January 1 that is quickly forgotten. I put them away after the holiday ends in the same way that I have put away my Christmas ornaments.
I also think that I don’t take the resolutions seriously – I expect to break them. I make a list but I don’t make a commitment to it. I look down the long tunnel of time and realize that keeping these promises for a whole year is overwhelming. And so, my resolve only lasts a week or two, before I slide back into my old habits. By February, the resolutions seem like the remnants of a long ago holiday.
What would happen if I changed this lack of commitment, actually selected one or two habits, one I would like to break and one I would like to add, and then worked on those two. What would happen if I actually did change my eating habits? What would happen if I used my time to accomplish neglected chores or to learn a new skill or to volunteer to help someone else?
To deal with the difficulty of keeping my promises for the long term, I will adopt a motto of 12 Step groups: “One day at a time.” I’ve noticed that, if I violate a resolution once, I tend to give it up entirely. (“Oh, well, I didn’t make it this year – I’ll try again in 2018”) . But one day at a time mindset means that, if I do fall down today, I start again tomorrow. What a freedom, not to have to wait another year – or even for a new month or a new week. I only work on my goals for one day, this day. A series of days, one at a time, promises to achieve the goal.
I take my list off the refrigerator and pare it down to two resolutions. And I begin, just for today.
1/6/2017