When I was exploring options to fill the time I once spent with my growing-up grandchildren, a tune popped into my head. I haven’t thought about the song even one time since it was recorded in the 50’s, but it provided a key, an answer to my questions.
Sing along with me:
“We be-long to a mu-tu-al ad-mir-a-tion so-ci-e-ty”
I had begun my search for answers with a typical left-brained approach: make lists of things to do.
I did that – in fact, I made two lists: one of pleasurable projects and one of tasks I would rather put off:
List #1: Projects for Fun or Entertainment:
- Cross Stitch
- Knitting
- Read Fiction
- Finish Abe Lincoln Biography
- Finish AI book
- Watercolor
- Quilting
List #2: Unavoidable Tasks:
- Polish silver
- Make window shade
- Organize and cull photographs
- Clean house (an on-going task)
- Organize and cull closets
I began, of course with the first list. I am in the middle of a difficult cross stitch and have completed ½ of a knitted shawl. I’ve finished two Anne Tyler books and am slowly plowing through Abe Lincoln and Artificial Intelligence. I’m reading a book on watercolor and have made a few preliminary sketches. (I have not, of course, tackled list 2)
My time filled up nicely.
But I was still empty.
My left-brain solution didn’t work, so I allowed my right brain to get it on the problem.
I’ve been studying the Psalms, and have found that ten of them recount the ancient history of Israel. And, of course, one of the primary celebrations of Judaism, the Passover, focuses on one of the pivotal events in the history, the escape from Egypt. Remembering these events reminds the Jewish people of the Lord’s favor and also has helped them find an identity.
The lesson became clear: our histories, both as a nation (a subject for a future post) and as an individual, can help us find our identities.
And so, I looked back at my own experiences. When did I feel most fulfilled? And what was it about that fulfillment that led me to an identity that I was now missing?
I was fulfilled by my teaching career and by my time with my children, when they were young, and with my grandchildren. I enjoyed the creativity involved, but primarily, the interaction with these young people.
I realized that all of the activities that were filling my time, while enjoyable, were self-centered.
And then, I began humming that tune.
What I need for fulfillment is the opportunity to interact with others, both family members and friends, in a mutual admiration society. To that end, I have joined small groups in my church, have volunteered for a non-profit organization, will attend athletic events of my grandchildren, and will always be available to step in when I am able to help, even small ways.
And, I can use those projects not only to fill in-between time, but to provide for others. My knitting has purpose when I create shawls for people in my church who are suffering; the cross stitch becomes a gift; and, hopefully, the watercolors will adorn walls other than my own. I plan to share wisdom from Abe Lincoln and a review of the Artificial Intelligence book on this blog.
This was an ah-ha moment (or, more accurately, a “duh” moment.) Of course! I need the interactions with other people to replace the interactions with my grandchildren that I have missed.
This is yet another opportunity to recreate myself in retirement.