Having something to do is one of the keys of a successful retirement. A second — and perhaps, the greatest key — is having someone to love.
I watched the Royal Wedding on Saturday morning, not finding it a great sacrifice as I was awake anyway, and I could watch in my pajamas. I did not have to wear a hat.
I found the wedding compelling and nostalgia-creating. As a retiree, I could look at the young couple and remember my own wedding, my own hopes, and being absolutely certain that this love relationship would be all I needed in my life to ensure happiness.
I pray that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex will live happily ever after.
But in addition to enjoying the beautiful spectacle, the fairy-tale script of a common girl, a modern-day Cinderella, becoming a princess, there was another moment that impacted me. It was the sermon by an animated, eloquent American minister. His topic was love, and he recognized the love of the young couple, but he suggested that their feelings for each other was a part of love universal, and preached that this love would be the world’s next great discovery, a discovery that would outpace fire for its impact on humanity.
And it is available for everyone; we need not be a prince or a movie star to grasp that discovery for ourselves. It is already here – it surrounds us – we need only to claim it.
Note that the second key is to love someone –not to be loved by someone. My minister, in a recent sermon, explained the different kinds of love, beginning with infantile love, where the attachment to a parent is necessary for the child’s survival. Immature love is the one we experience as teens and young adults and that, unfortunately, some older adults continue to pursue. We measure our love in this phase by how it makes us feel, by what benefits we derive from it. But neither of these is the love that Bishop O was speaking of.
Bishop O confirms: God is love and His kind of love is there for the taking.
Mature love is the one that invites us to give of ourselves for the good of the beloved. It does not fade with time; it does not depend on the desirability of the loved one. It is an outpouring, an interest that is focused on the other.
We have many models of this kind of love – I’m thinking of Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip, both in their 90’s; Mother Theresa; Deitrich Bonhoeffer; Martin Luther King, Jr.; Jesus Christ.
I would be interested to hear from my readers who are married about how this mature love confirms them and gives depth to their retirement years. I can only share my experience as a single woman who has found many avenues to express love – and I can assure you that loving has brought joy to my retirement.
I am encircled by love in my family – my children and grandchildren; my brother and sister; good friends who are like sisters to me. This is a natural place to express love. But I want to keep open to other possibilities. In these relationships, it is easy to love, and it does not feel sacrificial. I receive as much as I give.
What of those who do not have such family connections? Is love open to them as well? I sponsor a young girl who lives in Haiti – she sends me letters asking when I am coming to visit her and telling me she loves me. I look at her picture and her bright smile and I feel a rush of love for this child I have met only through our notes to each other.
I have found that serving others, in many contexts, opens the door to love. I have a dear friend who recently celebrated her 95th birthday. I take her each week to play bridge. I derive great joy from this simple act.
This is the surprise of mature love: giving love brings great joy. I will continue to love as my retirement years stretch out, and I anticipate that having someone to love will ensure success.
5/21/2018