I first spotted these “Rules for Happiness” on a sign in a gift shop and was impressed with its wisdom, beyond the typical catchy or humorous slogans displayed there. I had heard this list before, from a retired friend, who explained that this is the formula she has used, not just to have a happy life, but to ensure a successful retirement.
Looking at the first item,” something to do,” I know that, among my retired friends, those who are happiest, who do not fret about aging, who continue to see themselves as valuable, and who have forged a new identity in retirement, are those who have found a new purpose.
Separation from career came to me slowly. In spite of my bold statements that I was forging a new identity, for the first years of my retirement I clung to my old career. I assumed that my former co-workers would call upon me for my wisdom and advice. However, not only did they continue in their jobs without my input, they also found other mentors. In fact, I was no longer asked to participate in any of the functions of my school district.
The message here could have caused me to decide that, because I was no longer considered a valuable asset to my former district, I am no longer valuable.
I remember meeting a new retiree who told me that she was looking for a job. She had been retired for only a few months, and was unable to find any value in herself, separated from her profession. She told me that she had tried volunteer work and found it unsatisfactory. I did not press her, but I assume that she was measuring satisfaction with pay.
Another friend delayed retirement until he reached the age of 75, when he realized he physically could not continue. When I asked him how his retirement was going, he told me he was very unhappy, that he spent his days in his pajamas and robe, unable to find anything of value in his life.
In a previous post, (What Are We Worth), I explored the idea of value being determined by a salary. Let me suggest again that finding something to do is a greater opportunity and promises greater growth than merely receiving a paycheck.
Finding a new purpose can be exciting, even exhilarating.
One option, as we let go of our old careers, is to embrace a former identity: we can become students again. We can begin by asking some questions: do I really know all there is to know? What am I curious about? How are my technology skills? Abundant opportunities for Continuing Education exist in cities with colleges or universities; in addition, retirees are often welcome to audit courses. But big city or small, urban or rural, the Internet offers instruction in everything from Winston Churchill (see https://online.hillsdale.edu/) to making rings out of rubber bands (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvZv8iohJ1s ). One of my goals for retirement has been to learn to watercolor; I took some lessons from an artist, but supplemented those with an online course, at a reasonable cost, at watercolortutor.com. And when I wanted to do some plumbing repair, I found exactly what I needed to know at You Tube. Senior Centers, where I learned to play bridge again, and libraries, where I have joined a knitting group, also offer a variety of lessons, as well as the chance to meet new people.
Once we have satisfied the stimulus to learn, we can find an even higher purpose in the stimulus to serve. There is much work to be done, and many organizations depend on volunteers to supplement the efforts of employees. Every school district has a need for mentors, readers, judges for various activities, substitutes, and programs specific for each district. When I visited the web site of my former district, I found opportunities ranging from service for one day a week during the entire school year, to a one day commitment for “Middle School Career Day.” In short, there is a place for volunteers, no matter how much time each one would like to spend, and retirees can find those opportunities at their own school district websites.
Hospitals, churches, food banks, Habitat for Humanity (I never knew I could put up sheet rock until I volunteered for a day with Habitat!)…the list is endless. Try Googling “Volunteer Opportunities near me” – when I did that, I was overwhelmed with the need, and I knew I would be welcomed in any of those places.
I had a discussion recently with a friend and fellow retiree about all the valuable information we have collected through our years of living – and we bemoaned the fact that, unlike Asian countries, aged citizens are not esteemed. But I believe we can change that by becoming mentors to younger people. My daughter-in-law is a member of a church-related small group of women from two generations; this is a chance for her to learn wisdom from these older women, and to share her youthful enthusiasm (and technology knowledge) with them. I would like to be involved in a group like that, but have found my church does not offer such a program – and the solution is simple: start one!
To flip that idea, consider becoming a mentee – volunteer for an activity that will connect you with an older person. I have such a relationship– my friendship with my 95-year-bridge partner has impacted the way I view aging, and has enabled me to serve her as well. Nursing homes are filled with people who would value such a friendship. Consider some of the opportunities for this kind of connection by visiting createthegood.org.
Finally, consider the impact retirees have on their own families. My sister and I laugh about the fact that we are now the family matriarchs – I always thought matriarchs should have long red nails and big diamond rings, and I have neither. But I have stopped to consider what it means to have inherited that role. I think about my grandmother and the impact she had on me, about my mother and my aunts as they assumed that mantle, and how their lives have become a role model for me. And this is what I want for the younger members of my family. My grandchildren often ask me questions about aging – and I try to answer honestly, without embarrassment or giving them the idea that aging is something to hide (as if I could) or to deny. I want them to see that aging does not have to change joy, enthusiasm, skill, or openness to new ideas. I want them to embrace my Christian faith, and to see that being this age is great blessing, a great privilege. If I can send that message to them, then I have found a purpose well worth pursuing.
3/27/2018