I have discovered that I am much more attractive, when I look in a mirror, if I look without my glasses. The hard lines and dark blotches fade into a soft, misty patina, and I lose years in my appearance. When the glass are back on, I look away and repeat my mantra: “Pity the woman without laugh lines.”
“I will not be embarrassed by crow’s feet and marionette lines on my own face” I wrote in a previous blog.
So why do I have an expensive tube of face cream sitting in the bottom of my make-up drawer, discarded because it does not work. And, I confess, this is not the first time I have fallen for an ad for a product that guaranteed to take years off and recommended, according to the manufacturer, by none other than Doctor Oz.
In short, I have spent $100.00 for a worthless product. I feel sheepish about being so gullible. But it has also made me begin to question why I was such a willing victim of this hype. What is wrong, really, with having aging skin? If I am embarrassed by the wrinkles at the corner of my eyes, the lines that crisscross across my cheeks and cluster around my lips, it means I have been gullible in a second, more serious way: I’ve fallen prey once again to the claims of our society that beauty belongs only to the young.
Could we begin a revolution so that Americans worship senior beauty and young people can’t wait to age so they too can be idolized? Should we boycott companies until they agree to change the look of their commercials, so that aging models are used in ads other than Medicare supplements, Depends, and medications? Can you imagine a group of seniors greeting Macy shoppers with protest signs? Should we do our own march on Washington?
Or is there another, equally effective way?
“To deal with this negativity,” I wrote earlier, “we must first change our own perceptions about and reactions to our age. Look for examples that contradict these negative ideas.” I have taken my own advice and have been senior-watching, noting other retirees and assessing their beauty. I’d like to introduce you to three lovely women that I know and admire. From each of them, I have learned a beauty secret.
The first, Katherine, mans the welcome desk at my church. I first met her when I, a stranger, wandered into the church lobby and was treated to her warmth. Now, three years later, I look forward to our weekly meeting. Her face lights up when she spots me coming through the door. Her eyes convey the impression that I am the most important person to arrive that morning (although I know she is equally interested in all who approach her desk.) She always asks me how my week has been, and it is a question of genuine interest to her.
Katherine is her 80’s, very wrinkled and frail. But I do not notice the aging; I notice the welcome. Katherine’s beauty secret? Compassion.
Joy is the second woman I admire, and her name is part of her secret. She has suffered through a difficult life, including a painful divorce and the death of a son, but she maintains an aura of peace that spreads to those who encounter her. Joy pays attention to her clothing and hair; in her 70’s, she has a youthful, stylish appearance, although she has a skin condition that has left her with deep wrinkles. She smiles frequently, laughs often, and speaks regularly of the blessings of her life. Her concerns center on those who are struggling, and she is interested and involved in the joys and concerns of her friends.
Joy’s beauty case contains three jars: gratitude, optimism, and love of life.
The third beautiful woman is Connie. A newcomer to our retirees’ bridge group, she might have blended in, but when she arrived, I noticed her immediately. Hers is not a celebrity beauty; her silver hair is freshly styled, but it is not, in itself, distinctive. Her clothing is tasteful, not showy, and, again, not the secret to her appeal.
Looking inside her make-up case, I discover her beauty secret: attitude. She has a self-confidence combined with a humorous self-deprecation. She does not take herself seriously but laughs when she makes any errors in the game we are playing. She seems unconcerned with the assessment of the others in the room, as if she herself has decided she is the way she wants to be and doesn’t concern herself with the judgments of others.
I doubt that she spends much time in front of a mirror or much money on disappointing face creams. She doesn’t have to.
When concerns about aging skin, and aging in general, begin to trouble me, I know I need to adjust my glasses. These are not the glasses my optometrist can update; it is up to me to fix this pair. All I need to do is look for examples of beautiful seniors to change my perspective – to adjust my perspectacles!